Please die before me

sometimes no matter how much effort you've made to try to make things better, regardless of what you might have to sacrifice, money, time, anything, things just won't get better... this kind of feeling is so not motivating, feel totally helpless..

wanted to scream out loud to release the anger, the disappointment for being treated in such a way, so unfair.

i wanted you to disappear in my life as soon as possible, i wanted to make you disappear in my life. I only want to live a simple life, so simple that I only demand the most basic things needed to survive. I rather live thousand times poorer than now than having to live with a monster like you. I do think i am still living in the QIn Dynasty, i wonder why..

Please die before me so that i can at least have my life, normal life..

i miss rainy days...

i notice i can only focus reading when i am eating.. this is certainly not good..


"what you eat as lunch just now? anybody buy u lunch?" he asked

"i ate 2 fish lor..."

"fish? ur daddy buy for you?"

"no la, from the aquarium downstairs.."

".............."


I burst into laughter before i finish saying the last sentence...

btw, i really miss rainy days.. besides the horrible traffic jam and holding an umbrella everywhere i go, i prefer rainy days...

有感而发

一个拥抱真的胜过很多东西， 感觉到心里面真得很温暖， 虽然平时都没有很熟络，可是这道大家都是关心大家的，偶尔的问候已经住足够了。。


—————————————————————————


有些人很自我中心，讲话的时候丝毫没有顾虑别人的感受，只是一味的自以为是，自己说的就是对的，别人说全是借口。。 有什么理由认为别人的无能为力就是借口呢？ 每个人都不一样，每个人的学习能力，观察能力，驾车技术和面对任何事情的反应都不一样，可是并不代表别人的就是错的，别人的就是有问题的。。 一意孤行会令身边的人很难堪，或许没察觉到，那是不是你也有问题呢？ 当然若看见朋友做不对的时候，适时的开口是ok的，可是处处的挑剔好像有点过分，而完全不接受别人的解释也不见得有多好。。


学会了在适当的时候说适当的话，适可而止是很重要的。。。 =）

recently i feel so _______________________


yeah, i feel so empty.


nothing really interest me.. I feel empty when i was driving in my car, only concentrating while i am driving, music makes me feel worse sometimes.. I sat in front of the computer, surfing the net hoping to see some thing that will catch my attention... Beautiful dresses do make my eyes n mind feel alive for a moment.. haha.. at least for a while.. I do enjoy my time with friends but the same feeling come back again when i go on my bed..

i notice i get upset more easily these days.. guess i already reached the line.. but i wont let this bring me down, i want to be happy all day again.. I think shopping will help me ease the pain of feeling empty..haha... Mega sales is coming soon..

maybe i'll feel worse when the bills come... :(

today

i woke up at 9am this morning, brushed my teeth, took bath then sat on my chair preparing myself to do what i planned to do.. wanna stay focus n do revision the stack of papers on the table.. feeling happy and still planning what should i take as breakfast.. wholegrain bread? cream roll?

then a call came in at 9.45am before i decide what to eat.. i was told to attend a meeting in the office later at 10.30..

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .... ... .... .... ... ... -_-'

haihh... get dressed, bought two fish balls and rushed to the office, luckily my office is not that far away from home.. Quickily run into the office only to realise later that the meeting will only start at 12pm.... Lost appetite for breakfast instantly...

busy the whole afternoon giving out information the bosses need, and that's not the end.. some works have to be done tonight at home for meeting tomorrow morning.. sien ar..... I lost appetite for dinner as well... did i mention that i forgot to eat lunch?

Few extra inches? maybe cm?

I just got a b'day present, something very cute and erm... very useful for me? haha.. is a Height Increase Device or you can call it a YOKO device. Lol...

Is stated here in the booklet: According to .... Tokyo Research Laboratory.. piyuitary gland stimulation is found to be instrumental to height increases.

YOKO has been found to stimulate "nerve-point" of the feet effectively, which in turn stimulates the pituitary gland for increased hormonal production. Increased hormone production means greater growth of the cartilageneous portions of the bones of the lower body, making real height gain an actual fact.

Fantastic isn't it? I am feeling excited now and i think i would wear it to sleep, just to gain a few inches the next day...lol

From the cover of the box and the explanation, i think this is a product from Japan. However, in the explanation booklet, there is Malay explanation as well, so Japanese made this purposely to sell to Msian? I don't think so leh.. or maybe this is a pirated product.. yeah maybe, but nvm, i will still giv it a try..hahaa..

see, no joke, it comes with a Guarantee Card somemore... so funny.. But it does add a bit of my confidence towards this product... yeah.. a little... =)

So everyone out there, let me try first and i'll tell you the results in maybe.. erm.. 3 months time?

Anyway, Thanks Low Ser Ser and Poon Lai Fong for the present.. hugs

no rain?

the weather is super super hot today... dun feel like stepping out of my office or house, just wan to feel my air-cond...

my grandpa said, "前几天下太多的雨了，下过隆了。。。" and i was like "haahahaha.. got such thing one meh?"

then this conversation reminds me of what my grandma said during tsunami, she said tsunami happen because "海龙王生气了，所以会淹水咯......" i can still remember i laughed until beh tahan.. ..

@ BellaRoma

went there for dinner with hing chun n audrey.... Khai Lim appeared suddenly and joined us at our table..

Sze Mun said, "must come here... sit here n talk only also nvm, i belanja u all ice water.."

-_-

Joseph said, "Thanks for coming, come again for pizza deal, free pizza for u guys next time u come... "

=)

你说的。。。

凡事都有第一次，坏的好的都一样。。。

今天，我在想，我可不可以完完全全的信任你，
答案是：不可以。。。

从来从来，我并没有怀疑过宝贝说的一言一语，我也曾经告诉过你，也告诉过自己，只要是你说的，都是真的。。 我不想浪费多余的时间去做不必要的猜测，疑神疑鬼，我要的是我对你的信任，因为，如果，如果有一天，我怀疑你，我也怀疑我们的感情。。。

将心比心，宝贝时常说，要诚实，你说你不喜欢瞒瞒骗骗的，很无谓。。

很好。。 结果呢？ 结果呢。。。。。。

不要无谓的争执下去，再多的解释真的只像一堆废话，并没有让我觉得好一点。。 真的不要take things for granted, 你并不一开始就应该拥有现在的东西。。

对一段并不能够完全信任的感情，我觉得很无奈。。 以前的我可以大大声地对你说，“只要是你说的，都是真的，你说是就是，不是就不是有，有就有，没有就没有。”

现在，当我想说时，喉咙好像塞住了。。 没办法。。。

his n mine..

i am not in a good mood

this is the decision you've made.. don't tell me you have no choice, you are forced to follow, you don't want this to happen, is just rubbish.. you always tell me, when you make a decision, you will have to bear the consequences, you have no one to blame.. remember what you said, you will have to bear the outcome of your decision.

nothing can be perfect at both side.. you will need to sacrifice something when you r in a relationship and also if you are hoping to have a lasting relationship, otherwise, that's totally up to you...

tired of telling you what i think, i am tired of debating again n again with you.. and what is all this for? The result is the same, so why are we still wasting time trying to convince each other. You have made your decision n is clear, crystal clear.

No doubt this will definitely have some bad impact on yur relationship. I've told you before, if you insist, this will happen. You tell me no, you wan to keep me, you wont disappoint me, i remember almost every word you utter, and it all doesn't make any sense at this time..

I've always try to make you happy, or do something just to see you smile, i make little surprise for you and honestly i didn't do this for quite a long time.. I don't think i still wan to do all these things for you. I put my whole heart into this rship and hoping it to work, to last....zong zi, sien la, dun wan to talk about this anymore.

i dreamt of

Audrey, Pek Yan, Wei Ken, Hing Chun, Wei Chuan and my parents last night..

i dream of my frens more than i dream of my boy, he'll sure be jealous if he knows this... lol

is 131

mistakes i've made.. argh!

double work to be done.. sien le..

no heartbeat ad...

work as usual in clinic today, patient flow is more than usual for today, clinic should be closed at 1pm but we are still having many patients at 2.. all of us were tired n wanted to go home as soon as possible included my doctor..

i think around 2.15, an auntie was carrying a girl (4-5years old ba) in her arm n rushed into the clinic, i can see panic n worry on her face and the maid behind her..

"She fainted, no breathing!"

"Into the doctor's room please."

Doctor said the girl's heart is not beating already, he asked us to call for ambulance and he quickly start CPR on her.


"CPR is a lifesaving procedure that is performed when an infant's breathing or heartbeat has stopped, as in cases of drowning, suffocation, choking, or injuries.

CPR is a combination of:

• Rescue breathing, which provides oxygen to the infant's lungs.
• Chest compressions, which keep the infant's blood circulating."

As my doctor is giving her chest compressions, I can see porridge coming out from both her nose n mouth.. and her body has turned grey.. Doctor also tried to suction the things blocking her throat.. after 15 minutes, there is still no sign that she is breathing and no heartbeat still.. ambulance hasn't arrived yet..

"Bee, call the ambulance tell them no need to come ad, no more ad..certified dead."

I called the hospital while those aunties start calling the parents i guess, and crying and then they send the child's body to hospital themselves.

All of us were so stoned after that..

='(

相爱很难

最好 有生一日都爱下去
但谁人 能将恋爱当做终生兴趣
生活 其实旨在找到个伴侶
面对现实 热恋很快变长流细水
可惜我 不智或侥倖 对火花天生敏感
不过 两只手拉的太紧

爱到过了界那对爱人
同时亦最易变成一对敌人
也许相爱很难 就难在其实双方各有各寄望 怎么办
要单恋都难 受太大的礼会內疚却也无力归还
也许不爱不难 但如未成佛成仙也会怕爱情前途暗淡
爱不爱都难 未快乐先有责任给予对方面露欢颜
得到浪漫 又要有空间
得到定局 却怕去到终站
然后付出的多得到少不介意豁达 又担心有人看不过眼
可惜我 不智或侥倖 对火花天生敏感
不过 两只手拉的太紧

无论热恋中失恋中都永远记住第一戒 別要张开双眼


張學友+梅艷芳 - 相愛很難 - Free videos are just a click away




is so true..
being in a relationship is not easy,
with different expectations from each other,
you'll ask for freedom when u have all the romance,
tie the knot and worry that's the end....

what's wrong with me?

mood swing today since morning... not a second that i feel calm, not a second that i dont feel worry.. i don't know why am i having this feelings as well...


something in my heart keep telling me something is going to happen.. and everytime i feel this, something horrible come next... no please... i am asking of peace for mind now, i have to have a good sleep tonight, i have plenty of things to do tomorrow..

my life

at times i really feel that i am lucky.. i experienced things that most people never meet in their life, and some can only be seen in drama.. i always think that i have a dramatic life, i see what most people don't see, i hear what most people will not hear in their life but i still feel i am lucky. At least thru all these things that i've been thru, i learn to be tough, i learn to be good, i learn to stand on my own, i also learn to let others depend on me, i learn hide my emotions behind because i have to, i was taught not to get married so soon because my family needs me.. I understand why they are telling me this, i don't blame them, i don't plan to get married so soon as well, because i think they still need me...

i still feel lucky, at least life is getting much better now... i am what i am today, every single things that happened in my life makes me what i am today. at least i am luckier than many many people out there. I don't drive a BMW or sports car, just a local car, but at least i am not walking on my feet everyday.. i am not carrying branded handbags but i feel contended to only have my current Esprit bag. I must say that i am easily contended, i'm glad of what i am having..

but those are not the point, sometimes i feel tired too of carrying such a burden with me everyday. Should i call it a burden? i feel bad to call it that way, erm.. is more appropriate to call it a responsibility. Often time i ask myself, how long will this go? i can't take this with me forever? I will be getting married one day, and what will happen to them? Will they be able to stay on their own? It worries me everytime i think about it. Can they handle the things that i am handling right now? Honestly, i do not have much confident towards them for now. They still gives troubles sometimes, why can't they just think more for the family, at least for themselves so that we can worry less for them.

When is the time for me to let this go?

Poppy Garden

Last Saturday we celebrated Phang's birthday at Poppy.. It was real hot and i was sweating all over although i was only sitting down and chatting with frens.. As usual, we were talking loud as the music is much louder than our voice n at the end we just listen to the music and stop chatting... my dear boy was busy walking here n there talking to long-time-no-see frens, luckily i met up with some college frens n finally enjoy myself.. =)

Birthday boy, he is single n available!

us outisde poppy,met wyechuan n his pretty gal as well..

pretty girls..lol

me & Lawrence Chin!

college frens

break up season?

or just a conincidence?

Many of my friends broke up with their beloved recently, while many having arguments as well... when i was in secondary school, me n my friends used to think that break-ups do have a season, most couple split up at tat time..

i am lucky, becoz i am still surviving well in this season... =)

and LaySye (my primary school mate) is pregnant! I know her for since year 1993, yeah, when i was still a tiny little girl.. and now she is pregnant!! and I am so happy for her...

Bye Lovely..

I found my dog dead on the road when i was on my way home.. She was lying on the road, she must be trying to cross the busy road.. I kept crying n crying.. haihh.. so sad..

I never like dogs, cats, rabbbits or any other pets, i just don't dare to touch them, i always have a feeling that they will bite.. I never touch Lovely before too, but watched her from far or run into my house whenever she is near.... I didn't spend much time playing with Lovely actually, but when i found her dead on the road yesterday, i really feel very sad..