my life

at times i really feel that i am lucky.. i experienced things that most people never meet in their life, and some can only be seen in drama.. i always think that i have a dramatic life, i see what most people don't see, i hear what most people will not hear in their life but i still feel i am lucky. At least thru all these things that i've been thru, i learn to be tough, i learn to be good, i learn to stand on my own, i also learn to let others depend on me, i learn hide my emotions behind because i have to, i was taught not to get married so soon because my family needs me.. I understand why they are telling me this, i don't blame them, i don't plan to get married so soon as well, because i think they still need me...

i still feel lucky, at least life is getting much better now... i am what i am today, every single things that happened in my life makes me what i am today. at least i am luckier than many many people out there. I don't drive a BMW or sports car, just a local car, but at least i am not walking on my feet everyday.. i am not carrying branded handbags but i feel contended to only have my current Esprit bag. I must say that i am easily contended, i'm glad of what i am having..

but those are not the point, sometimes i feel tired too of carrying such a burden with me everyday. Should i call it a burden? i feel bad to call it that way, erm.. is more appropriate to call it a responsibility. Often time i ask myself, how long will this go? i can't take this with me forever? I will be getting married one day, and what will happen to them? Will they be able to stay on their own? It worries me everytime i think about it. Can they handle the things that i am handling right now? Honestly, i do not have much confident towards them for now. They still gives troubles sometimes, why can't they just think more for the family, at least for themselves so that we can worry less for them.

When is the time for me to let this go?